


It's Where My Demons Hide

by LilyAnson



Series: Writer's Block [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, One Shot, Past Relationship(s), Sibling Rivalry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 19:08:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15691590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyAnson/pseuds/LilyAnson
Summary: Lucifer accepts his love cannot forgive him.  Gabriel is confused.  What happens next is anyone's guess.  What happens when two angels that used to be in love meet again after too much history has changed things?Set after 5.19 Hammer of the Gods - Just after Gabriel safely got the others out of the room





	It's Where My Demons Hide

**Author's Note:**

> Set after 5.19 Hammer of the Gods - Just after Gabriel safely got the others out of the room
> 
>  
> 
> _Lucifer, you're my brother. And I love you. But you are a great big bag of dicks._
> 
>  
> 
> _Wait, what did you just say to me?_
> 
>  
> 
> _Look at yourself! Boo hoo! Daddy was mean to me, so I'm gonna smash up all his toys._
> 
>  
> 
> _Watch your tone._
> 
>  
> 
> _Play the victim all you want. But you and me? We know the truth. Dad loved you best. More than Michael, more than me. Then he brought the new baby home and you couldn't handle it. So this is all just one big temper tantrum. Time to grow up._

“What happened to you? The Lucifer I knew-”

“The Lucifer you knew doesn’t exist anymore,” Lucifer growled.

“Pft, yeah no shit,” Gabriel snorted. Huffing out a breath, his shoulders slumping slightly. “We used to be so close. Don’t you miss that?”

“Where were you when they were shoving me into that accursed cage?” Lucifer demanded advancing on Gabriel angrily. “Where were you‽”

Growling himself Gabriel straightened and held his ground. Though Lucifer was older and taller Gabriel refused to be intimidated. “I was petitioning Father, trying everything I could to get him to give you another chance. How could you of all people possibly think I wouldn’t try everything to get you freed?” Chest heaving Gabriel glared. Eventually his anger began to ebb away and all he could feel was tired. “Luce,” Gabriel sighed. “Can we please not do this?”

Lucifer hesitated and Gabriel tried to remain hopeful. 

“Doesn’t matter,” Lucifer answered dismissively. 

Gabriel felt his heart drop. 

“Whatever we had before it’s in the past. You were never known for your patience. After everything it’s probably for the best.”

Every word was like a stab wound into his very essence. He had the vague notion that this must be what humans felt when they said something hurt to their very soul. With how much this hurt he didn’t want to know how it would be if he actually did have a soul. 

“You don’t mean that,” Gabriel whispered.

“Does it matter?” Lucifer asked. “By now you’ve probably found your ‘one true love’ a hundred times over again. I can’t even enter a room full of pagan gods without running into someone you’ve slept with.”

“Screw you Lucifer!” Gabriel shot back. “You were gone for centuries before I was ever with another. By then I was tired of missing you and having no one who understood, no one I could turn to for comfort for so long I was desperate. And Kali? She knew how it was from the beginning. Neither one of us was in it for love. She wanted to make someone jealous and I needed a distraction from how much it hurt that you were gone. 

I wouldn’t have needed a distraction from all that pain if you hadn’t rebelled. And I told you not to do it! I told you Father would never stand for it but did you listen? No, you just had to rebel anyway no matter what it cost me. So no. You don’t get to stand there and chastise me for for trying to find some way, any way, to cope with my heart being shredded and ripped from my chest when it was all your fault!” 

He knew he should calm down but he just couldn’t. Lucifer’s banishment was the true reason he’d left heaven. He couldn’t force himself to obey their father or even stand the sight of his other brothers after everything. He’d had to leave for the sake of his own sanity. And now, after everything, Lucifer was accusing him of not caring in the first place. If everything they’d shared meant so little that Lucifer could truly believe that then was it really worth continuing to subsist? Shaking his head Gabriel allowed his head to droop forward. Loosening his fingers his angel blade dropped from his hand and clattered to the ground. If what they’d shared meant so little then there really wasn’t any point. If Lucifer was going to kill him then so be it.

“Gabriel?” Lucifer asked, sounding more than a little uncertain.

And still he couldn’t answer. After discovering how little Lucifer truly thought of their relationship what was the point? Let Lucifer kill him. It couldn’t possibly hurt any more than he already hurt. 

“If… If you ever…” 

The pain he heard in his love’s voice forced him to raise his eyes. 

“You really never stopped loving me?” Lucifer asked almost incredulously.

“How could I?” Gabriel asked equally incredulous. “You’re… you. You’re the Morning Star. You’re all that’s bright and perfect in the world. Or, at least my world. How could I ever stop loving you?”

Gabriel watched as Lucifer stumbled one step forward then fell to his knees. Slowly Lucifer wrapped his arms around himself. “Please… I don’t… Just….” 

Unable to stand the pain he saw coming from his love Gabriel strode forward and dropped to his knees. Instantly he wrapped his arms around Lucifer. Whatever happened would happen anyway. For now he couldn’t stand the thought of not comforting Lucifer. “Shh, it’s fine. I’m here. I’ll always be here for you.”

Lucifer shook his head violently.

“Yes,” Gabriel insisted firmly. “Always.”

“I don’t deserve you,” Lucifer murmured. 

“Agreed,” Gabriel scoffed derisively. “You deserve better. You’re just stuck with me.”

Lucifer’s arms tightened around him almost painfully as he shook his head again. “No, you’re… too good. Too…” 

Placing a hand behind Lucifer’s head Gabriel shushed him. “No more of that. I’m not and never have been this portrait you keep painting of me. I’m flawed, always have been, probably more than the humans. You just refuse to see it. You? Out of all of us you’re the bright and shining star.”

Giving an unhappy laugh Lucifer snuggled closer burrowing his face into Gabriel’s neck and inhaling deeply. “You still smell like fresh rain and sunshine all at the same time,” Lucifer whispered.

Gabriel laughed. “You always did have a way with words. Despite whatever guise I take I like to believe I’m still me.”

“But,” Lucifer hesitated. “But what if I’m always me?”

Gabriel frowned and Lucifer let out another unhappy laugh.

“I mean, what if I can’t ever get… better… good enough?”

“Good enough for what?” Gabriel asked with a frown.

“You,” Lucifer answered succinctly.

His frown deepening Gabriel tried to understand that but couldn’t. “Luce, you’ve always been too good for me. How could you possibly think you weren’t ‘good enough’?”

“Because you’re so forgiving, so compassionate, so…” he let out a soft whine, “so you.”

“Well yeah,” Gabriel agreed. “I’m very much me, but that doesn’t mean I’m that good. I promise you I’ve-”

Lucifer shook his head once more. “No. I’m… me. I’m a failed angel, an abomination. How could you possible love something like me?”

“After everything, after our time together, after how hard I fought for you before you fell, after all the times I’ve shoved aside my own feelings to take your side, how could you possibly question that I loved you?”

“I didn’t,” Lucifer said softly. “Not then. I just wonder how you can now.”

Gabriel shook his head. “Olani hoath ol,”*** Gabriel whispered. 

Lucifer finally broke. Tears streamed down his face and collected onto Gabriel’s shoulders as he held his love. Nothing could have forced him to let go even if their Father commanded it. Never before or since had he loved another so forcefully, so intimately, so completely. In this moment nothing mattered but Lucifer. It didn’t matter that supposedly he was supposed to love his Father above all. It didn’t matter that he was supposed to revere humans more than angels. It didn’t matter that Lucifer had rebelled and then fallen. All that mattered was his love needed reassuring. If their Father chose to punish him later then he would accept the consequences.

“Gabriel?”

“Yes love?”

“I am so sorry. You deserve so much better. You deserve someone worthy of your love. You deserve someone that deserves you. You deserve…. Anyone but me,” Lucifer finished sadly.

“Lucifer?”

Silence. And then, “Yes?”

“What I want… is you.”

**Author's Note:**

> olani hoath ol - I love you - Enochian.


End file.
